2011
"So this is the New Year,And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal,
explosions off in the distance."
-The New Year, Death Cab for Cutie.
Ah, the end of 2010, as voiced by the lovely Death Cab.
Although I have infinite amounts of love for Ben Gibbard, I will have to disagree just this once. I do feel a little different. I feel different most New Years Eves. As if another year has slipped away, right between my fingers. It's not exactly a feeling of regret or the worry of graying hair, it's more a feeling of fear. Although I feel the emotion isn't quite "big" enough to call fear, it's something like fear of forgetting, of letting the memories slip through into nothing. I treasure every moment I've been given, and I don't plan on forgetting any of it. But every New Years, it's a fear of forgetting that one song on the radio, the one that reminded me of my friends. Or fear of forgetting that one time I laughed until the contractions in my stomach gave me physical pain, almost as if I had done a million sit ups. It's things like this I fear will go to waste.
But I also feel a hopefulness for the future. I think it's almost human instinct to hope and reach for something not already possessed. And I can feel it too, the excitement of the unknown, of everyday being a journey. I can see the memories of 2010 flashing by, flickering images of one ridiculous picture after another. And as I look towards 2011, I can only hope that the new year will be a new batch of ridiculous pictures, of one unpredictable image after another, filling the nostalgic pensieve in my mind [yes, I did just use a Harry Potter reference].
For the new year, I hope for a lot of things. And I hope for a lot of things that I can help make into reality, some things that most people call resolutions.
1) I will be good. This sounds so simplistic, but I want to be able to look at myself and be proud of who I am. I want to strive to be the best I can be, and perhaps help others be the best they can be as well. I want to volunteer more and spread good.
2) I will stay fit and feel good. I think that losing a bit of weight and staying fit will help me to see myself in a healthy light and to feel good about myself.
3) I will try to read more. I really do miss the days when I could sit on the couch for hours on end and read, completely engrossed by the story within the pages. My reading list grows every single day, and it would be nice to catch up in the new year.
So goodbye 2010, it was a good one. One can only hope to make every moment of 2011 count as well.
I love it. But I hope you don't forget the times we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt this year, because there were many of them. We'll make 2011 count. I promise.
ReplyDeleteAw thanks Mariya, we will make many more memories :]
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. It's not that I'm "stuck in the past", but I've always envied Dumbledore and his damn pensieve. To be able to literally relive memories would be incredible. That's why I love watching home videos even more than looking at pictures. People are moving and speaking, there are noises in the background. You can almost pretend you're there again. It kills me that we can never experience a single moment more than once.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it feels like time goes by really quickly and so far I haven't done anything truly important in my life. It's so easy to get caught up in daily routines and forget that this is actually your life; you should be growing and learning every day. There are so many little changes I want to make; I want to do yoga and work out, I want to drink tea every day, I want to eat healthy, unprocessed foods. And a million other things. It's up to me to do all of that, and yet I've barely made any progress. Bleh.
Anyway, this month I've slowly started to work on it. I will accomplish my goals, and so will you, my friend :)